


Are you there Cas? It’s me, Dean

by fakeashly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Caring Jody Mills, F/F, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Beta Read, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Finale, Sassy Claire Novak, dean decides to open up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:49:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29830728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakeashly/pseuds/fakeashly
Summary: Dean decides to open up. And who’s the better person than Jody?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester(mentioned), Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak(mentioned)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Are you there Cas? It’s me, Dean

It was one of those gloomy Lebanon mornings that you couldn’t tell if it was going to rain or the clouds are going to hang in there for the rest of the day. Winter was almost over but you could feel the chill everywhere you laid your eye on.

They had been out of cases for a couple of weeks and that was driving them crazy, specially dean who had nothing else to do and he was afraid that if he ends up finding some time to himself, and his demons were going to come after him more than before.

Sam said he’s going on a road trip with Eileen so he wouldn’t be around for almost a week. Dean smiled and promised his brother that he’ll do just fine the time he’s away. Actually he was deciding to take a trip to Jody’s house. They haven’t met in a long time and Dean was missing her deeply.

He packed up for two nights knowing if he tells Jody he wants to stay over for some nights she would be more than happy.

He wanted to see Claire too. The kid was probably dealing with her loss just like him, or maybe even worst.  
The long silent drive took Dean almost 20 hours. He didn’t stop in the middle of the road a lot, just once for filing up the tank and once for toilet. He didn’t tell her he was coming but because it was weekend, he was hoping she might be home.

And he was right. After ringing the doorbell she nearly jumped and hugged him. Jody smelled like moms, and Dean couldn’t be luckier to have her.

She guided him inside. Girls were gathered around the tv, but Alex wasn’t there. Jody said she’s at hospital and she’ll be home in no time.

Claire didn’t pay any attention to him, which was clearly what Dean expected. He was sitting beside Kaia, eyes locked on the tv screen. Kaia said a firm hi with a small smile on her lips which made Dean smile too. After the meet and greet Jody showed him the room he was going to stay and after he told her that he’s planning to stay for a couple of nights, she kissed his chick and assured him he’s welcomed to stay as long as he wants to.

After unpacking and changing cloths, he went back downstairs to girls. Patience was in her room and Kaia was nowhere to be seen, it was just him and the angry blond kid that was looking at him with those familiar blue eyes. He couldn’t read her face, or what she was looking for in him, so he stayed silent, waiting for her to make a move.

“Did he suffer?”

That three words went down his spin like a thunderstorm. Of course he did. He died thinking he didn’t matter to anyone, that he doesn’t belong to anywhere, that he’s not worthy of being loved. Of course he did suffer, and whose fault is that?

“Don’t answer that”. She snapped before Dean could say anything, and deeply he was glad because he really didn’t have a word to say in response. And the other reason was she already knew the answer. From the little time they had spent together Claire must’ve known what an asshole he is.

She buried his face in her hands, exhaling sharply. Dean wanted to hug her, wanted to tell her how sorry he is for not keeping his promise to protect him. That he did his best to do so, but he’s Dean. All he knows is lashing out and make the people that he cares about run away from him, because he’s poison, and whenever somebody gets close tom him, they bite the dust.

“Claire I-“

“Don’t”. She raises her head looking fiercely at him. Dean could see her body was shivering with rage. “He wasn’t even my father.” Her voice was low but Dean didn’t miss the crack of it.

Dean closed his eyes, remembering the days they were looking for her. Cas was actually, and how desperate he was to make up everything to her. He felt guilty for letting her go on herself, especially after he figured out her mother abandoned her too. And he could be a good father still, if he was ... alive.

Jody joined them with three coffee mugs and sat beside Dean. She didn’t say anything and all of them stayed there quietly for several minutes.

“I did everything I could to keep him, but it was his choice, the stupid son of a bitch didn’t leave me any other options .” The moment he was done Clair stood up in front of him angrily with her hands fisted.

“You think I don’t know everything you have told him? I know everything Dean Winchester. I know years ago you kicked him out of your house and told him he can’t stay despite had just turned human and he needed help, he needed your help. But what did you do? You threw him out, you said fuck off to him.” She was breathing heavily and Dean was looking at her with shocked eyes. It was like an old wound was reopened, he remembered the broken look on Cas’ face, how hard he was dealing with human life, how fragile he had become, and she was right, he has been fucking Cas up since forever.  
“You told him he’s dead to you, you blamed him for whatever the fuck happened in your screwed up life and yet he was always there, he always forgave you for whatever shit you said or did to him, and what you did for him huh? You let him go you let him fucking die.”

“Claire-“

Dean put his hand of Jody’s lap to stop her from saying anything else. He knew he deserved to hear these and hell they were true. He could feel the burn of the tears in his eyes. He could see Cas’ smiley face, and how he was happy to be taken away, because finally he could belong to somewhere at least, away from Dean, somewhere where no one would hurt him anymore. And yet, he was in the empty, the place you’ll live you’re biggest regrets and pains. He could imagine what Cas was dealing with there, his heavenly battle trauma, his humanity issues, and probably the time he had wasted with him.

Claire leaves to upstairs without saying anything else. Dean felt Jody’s hand rubbing his back as he buried his face in his hands. After taking some deep breaths he turns to Jody with glassy eyes, his chin trembling.

“I loved him Jody.” Tears were streaming down his face slowly. Jody tucks him into a hug and leans his head on her chest, running her finger in his hair. “I know Dean, I have always known.”

Dean looks at her with confusion, waiting for her to continue.

“Everybody who knows you knows how much you loved him. I just met him once personally but you should see your face when you’re talking about him. It’s like the sun is shining on your face. And your cheeks go all pink. I know love when I see it boy.”

When she finished tears fell more rapidly from his eyes. All these times he thought he’s going to be judged, or mocked, or not taken seriously, but here he was, being a dumbass all over again.

“If ... if everybody knew ... why he didn’t know it himself?” there was a moment of silent and Dean Jody’s face tightened. He knew he was not going to like what he was going to hear.

“Dean look, I really don’t know all of the things that had happened between you two, but I do know you have been through a lot together and you always decided to cope with it the Winchester way, which led your inner anger to grow on you. And because he was always around you took your anger on him, because you knew he wouldn’t leave you, and if he does he would come back eventually. But Dean you had lost him before too and we saw that you can’t function even a little bit when he’s not around. You didn’t learn from the mistakes you made. I know what your asshole father did to you when you were younger. You don’t need to tell me everything Dean. I’m a mother I know how kids are. You’re still afraid even though it’s too late. You were never taught that you can be loved too and Cas was the first vocal one about that and that was what freaked you out.”

Dean just stared at her with teary eyes, processing everything he had just heard. Deep down he knew Cas had always loved him, but he didn’t know the angel could actually feel it. But Cas was too human to be an angel. And yet, too angel to be a human. He could never bring himself to think about everything that had happened between them, because each moment of it made him go absolute feral. Because it made his guilt take over his body and if would eat him alive.

“He made me happy Jody. Whenever he was around I had this ... safe ... feeling inside me. Like something was telling me I’ll be fine no matter what happens. And he would come to me with all the calmness that I knew from him and tried to distract me. He drank beers with me and pretended to be drunk even though it didn’t have any effects on him. He would stay there and listen to my shitty music the whole day without complaining. He was everything I could ever ask for and more. And I lost him because I didn’t deserve him. But Jody he died saving me and I didn’t deserve that. That selfless bastard would even kill himself to save a fucking bee and god he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.”

Jody hugged him tighter as Dean’s face was being covered by the endless tears that were falling from his eyes. And Dean felt too broken to have the courage to get himself together. So he just decided to let it go. Enough of the Winchester ego.

“Now that he got himself killed to save you Dean you have to live because of him, and prove him that his sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. You have to be yourself once again for him.” She takes one of Dean’s hands and puts it on his chest, the side that his heart was there. “And you have to remember that he’ always there and he would support you no matter what happens. You have to make him proud again Dean. You should show him how much he means to you.”

He nods in agreement, closing his eyes. He could see Cas, and how his face brightened up each time he smiled. He was standing there looking at him proudly, ah he always did. His eyes were filled with love which warmed each fiber of Dean’s being. Jody was right, he had to prove Cas he’s the person he thinks he is, and he was willing to give everything for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3


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